─ Chapter Five ─ Avatar

22^nd June 1974

Dear Tom, Mum & Dad

       I don’t know how to say this, so I might as well just come out with it. I’ve dicided to kill myself.
When Karen died, a huge part of me died with her. I know you were all as desparately sad as I was. Why did she die? I’m sure I must’ve done somthing wrong. I’ve kept the bit of paper you gave me “Meningococcal Septicaemia”. We both had all our jabs. Why did she get it and I didn’t? We often had colds at the same time. Why couldn’t the doctors save her? I know we’ve been over this a million times. It’s not fair. Why couldn’t it have been me. She didn’t deserve it. I did.

       I heard you talking the other night about money problems and whether you could continue to pay for my tuter. Dad, you always look so tired and worried. You try so hard to please everyone. I know our crops are going to be poor again. Life is so tough at times. Mum, I’m sorry for all those times I shouted at you. I didn’t mean it. I’m just so angry, all the time.

       I want to be with Karen. I’m incomplete without her. Please don’t worry about me. I’ll be safe with Karen. There is no point in living anymore. Please tell Tom I’m sorry that I didn’t say goodbye. I couldn’t bare to see his face. He’ll be okay. He’s a tough kid.

       I love you but I must leave you. Until we meant again on the other side. All my love, forever.

       Val xx

       Sarah, held the letter for a while, folded it back into its old crease and returned it to Val.

       ‘I had no idea; I knew you were very sad about your twin sister but this? You were serious right?’

       ‘Oh yes. It was the tenth anniversary of Karen’s death. Today it is the eighteenth anniversary. I needed to tell someone and sensed you would be able to take it. No-one else here knows. Explains why I was crap at school doesn’t it? Do I regret not dying? Yes. Nothing has changed. Everything has changed. Those damn paradoxes again huh?’

       ‘So, what happened?’

       ‘I had it all worked out. I bought two bottles of Paracetamol from different chemists. I had no idea how many I should take but I remembered a friend of mine, she was a Samaritan, saying that people have killed themselves taking fifteen tablets. I decided that, to be sure, I would take twenty five. I knew I wanted to do it on the same date that Karen died. I wrote the letter when I got back from school and hid it in my room. It was a hot day. A perfectly normal day. I kissed mum and dad good night, as usual - everything had to be normal - at about nine thirty and went to my room. I could hear Tom snoring. His door was ajar and I stopped for a while and just looked at him. My chest tightened and I felt a lump in my throat. Now was not the time to start crying or to change my mind. I was utterly determined to go through with it. I closed my bedroom door and put the glass of water I was carrying on my bedside table. I always took a glass of water to bed with me so there was nothing odd about it. I sat on the edge of the bed and waited. My heart was pounding. After a while I heard mum and dad come upstairs and go to bed. The house was quiet. I had thought about whether I get undressed for bed or not but decided not to. What was the point? No-one ever came to my room after we went to bed. The house was peaceful, apart from Tom’s muffled snores.

       I went to the window and looked out at the inky blackness. It was cloudy and humid so I could not see any stars. In the distance I heard some cows moo and then stepped back from the overpowering smell of silage. Everything was set. I closed the window, placed the letter against Karen’s photo on the chest of drawers and got one of the bottles of Paracetemol from a coat pocket hanging in my wardrobe. I counted out twenty five of the fifty tablets onto my duvet, closed the top and placed the bottle on my bed side table. I was ready. I felt strangely calm, as though there was a guiding hand in the room, a sense of approval. My heart beat had slowed and I felt at strangely at peace. Karen hated taking tablets and had to have them crushed up to swallow. I had no problem and decided I would take two of the five hundred milligram tablets at a time. I made no speeches to myself, my family and friends or the world. It was now down to business. Carefully and methodically I swallowed all of the twenty five tablets, laid on the bed and closed my eyes to die. I felt that lovely pull of approaching sleep drawing me into unconsciousness. I don’t know how long or even if I had been asleep but I woke up with terrible pains in my stomach and nausea. Evidently, I started to scream, dad came rushing in, I was stood up, bent over clutching my abdomen, I vomited profusely and then collapsed.

       My next memory was hearing a kind woman’s voice saying “S’alright dearie, it’s all over now, you’re going to be fine”. “I don’t wanna be fine, I wanna be dead!” I could see the concerned look in her face and, in the distance, mum and dad talking with a doctor. I was relieved not to be vomiting anymore and started to cry. I was given something to relax me and soon fell asleep. When I woke up Tom was beside me, reading his Marvel Two-in-One. “Wocha do that for Val? I thought we were mates. I’m your only brother.” He cried and then went to get mum and dad. Dad had his arm around Tom, mum pulled up a chair. I said “Where am I?” “Holsworthy Hospital, they are moving you to Plymouth General Hospital this afternoon to do more tests. Dad’s taking Tom to school and then needs to return the tractor he borrowed from Arthur. Don’t worry love I’ll come with you in the ambulance to Plymouth.” I nearly told her not to as I wanted to be on my own. I had no idea how near to success I had been. I felt a failure - couldn’t even kill myself properly after all my meticulous preparation! The first twenty four hours were critical. Although I had vomited a lot of the paracetamol and they had flushed out my stomach - not a pretty sight I can tell you - some had got into my system and the doctors were worried about damage to my liver. My stomach felt extremely tender so they gave me some milky fluid to ease it. I nearly asked for some paracetamol or aspirin! I pretended to be asleep in the ambulance so I did not have to talk with mum.

       I was kept in hospital for three days. Just before I was discharged a psychiatrist came to see me, he pulled up a chair and said, “Well young lady, you gave us all a scare but the good news is that you have no liver damage and you’ll soon have no more discomfort in your stomach. Physically you’re fine.” “Yea, I know,” I interjected, “mentally I’m not, right?” “Getting over someone you’ve loved and were so close to takes time.” I had heard this a thousand times before. Its like the old cliché time heals. I could not contain myself, “Well if time heals why the bloody hell do I still feel so sad ten years later, tell me?!” I thought I had trumped him but I was wrong. “I don’t think you will or should get over your sister. The fact that you were identical twins can bind you together in ways we don’t always understand. I have no idea what you are feeing inside right now, but what I do is that it is hurting you. If your sister was here now I imagine she would not want you to hurt inside. “That is why I tried to kill myself. I don’t want to hurt anymore.” “Imagine what it would feel like not to have that pain but to carry on living, would you like that?” This was the first time that someone had described the possibility that I longed for. I thought my death was the only answer. “Do you know that committing suicide has only been decriminalised since 1961? People who failed to commit suicide were prosecuted, adding even more pain to their mental suffering. I can’t promise you a blissful state of peace, happiness and purpose but I can help you to navigate your mind and heart to a place of acceptance where Karen will be even closer to you than she is now.” I came to like Dr Morgan and saw him every two weeks for nearly a year. I wonder if he knows how much he helped me. He knows I am extremely close to Karen but I don’t think he knows exactly how. It was Karen and Meryl who opened up the spiritual realm to me and helped me to discover my gifts.’

       ‘So where are you now Val?’

       ‘In that special place of love and communion with Karen. She is part of me, I am part of her.’

       ‘Do I sense a but?’

       ‘You’re sharp like your arrows, as always, right on target – in the gold zone!’

       ‘When Callum talked about his doubts and questions I was saying over and over to myself “Yep, me too!” On the surface everything is fine. I love Castlethorpe, I love my friends, I am excited about the pact we made yesterday. Everything looks positive with limitless potentialities. The problem, Sarah, is that I need to know what the point of it all is. What is the point of life? Why am I here. Why are we here? What am I doing? Where am I going? I know we have been over and over these questions but, quite frankly, I’m not satisfied with the answers and the Spirit World has been decidedly deaf and mute about it!’

       ‘D’ya know Val, when I was on my back at Stoke Madeville I too seriously thought about killing myself. Problem was I could not, at that point, move either my legs or arms so doing what you did was not an option. But later when I got the use of my upper body it became a very real option. By then I had done a deal. If I was going to be a quad then I would have begged to have had my life ended – somehow. I didn’t know how. If, on the other hand, I was going to be a para then I would accept it and get on with life. You lost your sister and, to a degree, have her back in your heart and mind through the Spirit World. I lost my legs and they ain’t ever coming back. People have prayed and fasted. Spiritual healers have done their stuff. I have banged on the doors of heaven, demanding a miracle. I have accepted it. I don’t like it. I will never like it. When I see sprinters haring down the hundred metre track to the finish line I want to leap out my chair and join them. Look at these legs they are lifeless and useless. People have to rub them to stop the muscles atrophying. Our situations are very different yet we have similar nagging questions. Perhaps we have to ask this one, does there have to be a purpose to life? Say if there is no purpose? Say if life... just... is? What then?’

       ‘Exactly, what then? No purpose, no point, why live?’

       ‘What has life been like for you between Karen dying and you coming to Castlethorpe?’

       ‘Almost immediately I could hear Karen’s voice as clear as a bell. The first time was when I got home from the hospital in Plymouth. Mum and dad picked me up and we talked about the weather, the crops, what Tom was up to and what we were having for tea. Dad attempted to talk about what had happened but mum’s glare quickly silenced him. I went upstairs and said I wanted to be alone for a while. I sat on the bed and stared out of the window. I noticed that my letter had been taken. “It’s in the bottom sideboard draw downstairs.” I turned, expecting to see Karen. Her voice was crystal clear but there was no-one there. My heart was racing. “Karen, is that really you?” It was a daft question to ask, I was not going mad, it was mistakenly her voice. “Of course it’s me, silly. You’re not going mad. I’ll never leave you. I’m Karen yet I’m part of universal consciousness, as you are, except you are currently in your bodily form.” This freaked me out a little. After all, how could a five year-old come out with this kind of talk? I asked her a torrent of questions but there were no answers. After a while Karen said “Have you finished?” I said sorry to her and then rambled about all this being new etc. She replied “That’s not quite right at all is it. You have been hearing voices and seeing people that have died since you were ten years old. In fact, you heard Great Uncle Geoffrey’s voice the week before I died. This is different because it is the first time from someone very close to you.” I was astonished but quickly remembered it, though I had dismissed it, putting it down to my overactive imagination. “There is much you don’t understand. Understanding it is not important. What is important is that you share your gifts. If you want a purpose to your life, this is it.” Mum knocked on the door and asked me who I was talking to? I remember my reply, “Just having a chat with Karen mum.” “Okay dear,” she replied mater of factly, then continued “lunch is nearly ready.” I often had “conversations” with Karen... this was the first time I had actually heard her voice.

       ‘Was this the turning point in you becoming a medium?’

       ‘Yes, though I don’t think I would have done any training had it not been for Meryl in Chilsworthy.’

       ‘I found the training rather basic. My development group spent too much time on small talk which squeezed the amount of time we had for practicing giving messages. I probably should have been in advanced class. I got messages fast and the evidence concerning their efficacy was always apparent. I did not learn anything about how to give messages, unlike other people in the group. All I had to do was still myself and be open to Spirit and woosh, they came. I did not hesitate; I simply trusted what I heard, saw or felt.”

       ‘So you would describe your gifts as being clairvoyant, clairaudience and clairsentience?’

       ‘Yes, all of them, if I had to use a description.’

       ‘The lesson I had to learn was humility and to resist attachment to the role and status of being a popular medium. I could have earned thousands of pounds, written books and had the pick of prestigious meetings. The thing was I wanted none of it. What I would have given for one more day with Karen in the flesh!’

       ‘Has anything changed in that respect since being at here at Castlethorpe?’

       ‘No, not really, which is very perplexing. As you know I’m not a fan of the organised Spiritualist churches. I would rather use my gifts naturally in everyday contexts. You don’t have to be at a meeting though I accept when people gather together with a unified intent there is a strong supportive energy present. I’m just not sure how church, in the broadest sense of that word, fits into living spiritually, twenty four hours a day. People turn mediums into some kind of special being. I’m not like that. I refused fees and could cycle to most of the groups I visited so did not need expenses. When I found out that the churches had invested the fees in a bank account for me I was angry. Nevertheless, I did accept the money; it had accumulated to ten thousand pounds. I gave it to my parents as the farm was in dire straits. They were overwhelmed and quite embarrassed! They had some idea what I was doing but never really asked me about it as I seemed to be happy and had made no further attempts to kill myself.’

       ‘Had you thought about it?’

       ‘Yes.’

       ‘Do you still think about it?’

       ‘Yes.’

       ‘Do you remember the hand-out we were given in that learning unit about suicide last year?’

       ‘That piece about the wife who committed suicide?’

       ‘Yea, the channelled response of the spiritual healer to his questions.’

       ‘How could I forget it? It had a huge impact on me.’

       ‘Sarah took out a sheet of paper and passed it to Val.

       ‘Here, have another read of it.’

Suicide in our culture today is viewed as the premature ending of a life. In Spiritual terms a life and its ending occurs at the exact moment and manner chosen. There is no such thing as a “premature” ending just as there are no “accidents”. It is difficult to understand and except by those left behind that someone can have chosen suicide and left their partner to carry on without them and of course “they” did not. This choice was made before incarnation and before having met the person that is left behind. No “person” ie an incarnated being, would choose such a course of action. Looking for solutions to such questions cannot be found when basing your research on this dimension alone because other dimensions are involved in every stage of every person’s life. We are all multi-dimensional and the answer you seek is contained within the full understanding of what it is to be incarnated into a physical body. The Soul contained within your wife had completed the tasks that were set before incarnation. The chosen physical body vibrates at a particular rate that can harmonize with the Soul’s intent whilst the Soul is on its journey of gathering experiences. Once completed the Soul would have to leave the body because the altered vibration of the Soul caused by the experiences gained could no longer be contained in the vibration of a physical body. The one who is left will quite likely experience a range of intense emotions because without prior knowledge of the Spiritual reality of  physical life, suicide would be a premature ending of one’s life, and an abandonment of all those left behind.

     The questions you have asked are questions most people ask when faced with what you have experienced.

     You did not fail her, your love for each other which she carried within her Soul on its journey of discovery, gave her the courage to experience the ending of her chosen journey in the manner she needed to. She chose you as her partner to enable the bringing about of the conditions that her soul needed to gather those experiences. It was not your fault for the same reasons.

     You could not have done anything to save her because she did not require saving. Her Soul  had pre-chosen the exact timing and manner of her passing.

She is not dammed; she has completed her Soul purpose in the manner she chose. Equally God has nothing to forgive because there is no “God of judgment” only true self-awareness.

     At Death or shortly before, the mind leaves the body. When divorced from the physical body the mind alters its rate of vibration and develops into the Soul which eventually merges or co-joins with the Spirit. The mind contains all the experiences gained during the life and these are reviewed after a period of rest. The mind is the same vehicle as the Soul but at a different rate of vibration, the Soul part of your wife may still be examining the experiences gained as her life and death will have impacted on others that are still on their physical journey. It is necessary for the complete life experience to be reviewed with all its impacts on all those involved both directly and indirectly. The Soul of your wife is not lost in hell unless she chooses that experience. But if she has, she will be accompanied by her guides and helpers. Her Soul will, by then, be vibrating at the same rate as they are. They will therefore be visible directly to her, and be able to explain and enlighten her as to her true situation. She would never be alone at any point in her journey unless she chose to be.

     It is so very important to understand that choices made about life and death when in this dimension ie when we have incarnated into a physical body, are not based on the person who is living the life. Although the person decided to commit suicide because of circumstances that were prevalent at the time, the actual reason for the suicide lies in the dimension beyond this one, accessible only to the higher mind or Soul. The circumstances prevalent at the time are again ones that have been orchestrated by the Soul of the person and all the unseen guides and helpers who continually support us through each incarnation. The support is determined by the reasons for the incarnation and the experiences chosen and this occurs before conception and birth.

       After a while Val put the paper down, took out a tissue and mopped her tears.

       ‘While I was reading Karen came to me and said “Val, do you understand now? It’s not about you. I chose to experience suicide. Every word on that piece of paper is true. Your tears are beautiful - wet treasures from the vault of love.” I feel different. I can’t describe it. It’s as though Karen is part of me and I am part of her. It has nothing to do with us being twins; that too was an experiential choice.’

       ‘Wow, I knew it was important to bring this but had no idea it would have such an impact!’

       ‘It caused a big debate amongst us at the time, do you remember, Val?’

       ‘Yes, Patrick and Callum were quite angry and confused. Folina was, as usual, matter of fact about it and said “Of course but we know all this right?” Leonard was very quiet and buried himself in the restricted sections of The Library for the next few days.’

       ‘We each respond in different ways to things that are usually beyond the reaches of our understanding.’

       ‘Yes Sarah, thing is, the more I learn the less certain I become. Are we only individuals in our corporeal form? How did Karen make a choice about experiencing suicide before she was born - she was not her but part of universal consciousness, right? Do we return to universal consciousness when we die? I learned in mediumship training that the people we see, hear and sense from the Spirit world take on the look, feel and sound of their bodies only for the purposes of communication; they are outside of time. Perhaps time is the key in all this. We perceive ourselves as one dimensional beings yet, even in this human body, we have the capacity to live multi dimensionally. Do you get what I mean?

       ‘This stuff always seems to tie me in knots. I wonder if a walk in The Labyrinth would help?’

       ‘It usually does.’

       They both sat in silence for a while.

       ‘Thank you Sarah. Thank you for just being you.’

       ‘What else could you or I be Val? After all The Principal reminds us all to “Just be yourself” in all our multi dimensionality eh!’

       ‘They made their way from Sarah’s room to The Labyrinth and moved slowly along its pathway in uneventful silence.’

       ‘Did you pick up anything Sarah?’

       ‘Not a sausage but my mind feels uncluttered.’

       ‘That’s exactly how I would describe mine as well. Whatever we understand is sufficient for now.’

       They left The Labyrinth and joined Leonard on the short walk to The Place of Nourishment for lunch.

*

Annie Sherrife is a popular visiting speaker at Castlethorpe. She is in her seventies and has an exceptional talent for helping people explore complex topics. Nothing seems to phase her. She invites interruption. Loves tangents. Values everyone’s contribution. Her sensitivity to mood, emotion and consciousness is inspiring. She is the embodiment of humility and maturity. Annie has learned many lessons. The titles of her talks tease and entice. Leonard had spotted this on the notice board and alerted the Seven.

Sunday 4^th July 1982, 6pm

Meet the Avatars

Venue to be confirmed depending on numbers

Please sign up by Friday 2^nd July

As usual Annie had arrived early and chatted with people as they arrived at The Place of Gathering. Jorge had set up the room for thirty people and had adjusted the blinds to allow streams of evening sunlight onto the walls and fabrics. It was cool and comfortable. A large horseshoe of chairs with some large cushions on the floor. Annie stood and smiled.

       ‘I love walking in the woods near my home. They are never the same. Pouring with rain, basking in sunshine, wrapped in snow, exploding with blossom. I love it. I love the tiny snow drops, so delicate, so gentle. Carpets of golden and brown leaves beckon me to go deeper. Gazing at dew-clad webs in the dawn mist. I’m easily overwhelmed you see. Touching smooth and gnarled bark. Ancient trees. Wondering about life underground, their roots reaching out in support of one another. We are like woods. Simple. Complex.

       So, what has occupied you today? Glad or not that Connors beat McEnroe at Wimbledon? Wondering what Terry Higgins died of today? Or perhaps your attention is on the return to earth of Columbia 4 to Edwards Air Force base? Independence Day for some. Birth day for thousands. Death day for thousands.

       Avatar is now our occupation. We are avatars. What does the word mean? In Hinduism it is a manifestation of a deity or released soul in bodily form on earth; an incarnate divine teacher. In general terms it is an incarnation, embodiment, or manifestation of a person or idea. Its origin is from Sanskrit: avatāra ‘descent’, from ava ‘down’ and tar ‘to cross’. Who cares? Is it important? Why spend a warm July evening talking about it? I could have called this session Incarnation. I could have called it Reincarnation. I could have called it Pre and post human form existence. I could have called it We see in a glass darkly. I could have called it What is consciousness? I’m interested in what you think. What came to your mind as I said those titles? Each of you please.

       ‘Jesus’ nativity.’

       ‘Karma.’

       ‘Multidimensionality.’

       ‘The circle of life.’

       ‘Nothingness.’

       ‘Puppets’

       ‘Purpose.’

       ‘No purpose.’

       ‘Predeterminism.’

       ‘Myth and magic.’

       ‘God.’

       ‘Deity.’

       ‘Semantic.’

       ‘Dogma.’

       ‘Doctrine.’

       ‘Faith and fact.’

       ‘Carbon life forms.’

       ‘Aliens.’

       ‘Evolution.’

       ‘Uniqueness.’

       ‘Biology and astrophysics.’

       ‘Time.’

       ‘Eternity.’

       ‘Now.’

       ‘Love.’

       ‘Order and chaos.’

       ‘Patriarchy.’

       ‘Confusion and clarity.’

       ‘Destiny.’

       Everyone had spoken, as usual, within the first ten minutes of Annie’s ‘talk’. It was never going to be a talk. It’s not her way. Annie laughed and then rubbed her hands with glee.

       ‘Oh my word, that is totally luscious! This is why I love coming here. Before I opened my mouth I saw each of you as a pot of paint - all different colours. As each of you spoke it I could see you throwing your pot into the air. The energy was intoxicating. It was messy - very messy! What a trough of technicolour we now have. Right, let’s dive in and mix it all up. You know what the resulting colour will be don’t you?

       ‘Muddy brown, responded Shamus!’

       ‘Oh yes, muddy brown indeed! Disorder. No form. No meaning? Well, let’s see now. Let’s backtrack. Say if I had started differently and asked each of you to write down what the word Avatar or Incarnation meant to you, privately on a piece of paper? Imagine if I had collected them all and then laid them face down on the floor and asked each of you in turn to pick one of them up, read out what it says, then explain what it means to you to the group. It would be like each of you dipping a brush and putting a splodge on one side then someone else adding their colour to the other side. Yes, we waited for the paint to dry (smiles and giggles)! Lots of colour. Less mess but no image. Imagine if I had spread out a huge sheet of paper on the floor and asked the group to paint a picture. One person starts with a few strokes and then each of you, one at a time, adds your strokes to the emerging picture. Those at the start may feel different about the task compared to those at the end. Would we have ended up with a picture? Less mess. Lots of colour and, depending on your mood and creativity we could have ended up with a piece of muddy abstract art or a recognisable picture of some kind.

       This is the problem of any exploration into the unexplainable, indecipherable, incomprehensible and unfathomable. Considering this degree of difficulty - some would say impossibility - is it our purpose as human beings to work out who we are and why we are here? The avatar. The incarnated. Each word you said had a different degree of impact and influence on every person and the group. It is not my task to either be dogmatic in what I teach or to be so woolly that you have no idea what I currently think, or, dare I say the word, believe!

       I feel I must address the notion of secrecy and esotericism. It is easy to say that truth has been hidden from human beings because if, for example, we knew with absolute certainty about our pre and post corporeal existence we would be tempted to misuse such knowledge for our own selfish ends rather than the evolution of our human species, the betterment of humanity. I understand the need for caution but I do not except that everything about the avatar is a secret, deliberately hidden from us. Some of you know me well and that I am a pendulum in outlook, swinging to and fro between positions. It is the privilege of paradox. I live with certain uncertainty and love it! I have views and constantly offer them at the alter of openness, evidence, critical examination and, above all, spiritual discernment and wisdom. Thankfully, no-one has all the answers. (pause)

       A year or so ago I was in Bulgaria at a meeting in the Dormition of the Theotokos Cathedral in Varna Bapha. I felt totally at home amongst the antiquarian religious icons that filled the walls. I was a participant in an experiential group of diverse people sat in one of the side rooms of this old and most orthodox of religious settings. The topic was The Dark Night of the Soul. The focus of this session was a document that had been channelled in Romania a few months’ previously. He read John Barrett’s words in slow mellow tones. It was a profound session and I’m still learning about it. I’m going to read it to you now.

The Dark Night of the Soul

       This terminology has been used to convey a time of deep despair. It is meant to be a time of agony and trial through which inevitably light comes to the rescue. Like most, if not all levels of Spiritual awareness, there are paradoxes at work here. The dark night is in fact an awakening of the connection of the Soul to the Mind; this is a good thing. It is necessary for the mind to become aware of its place in the hierarchy of the complete unit that is an incarnation into physical form.  In order to understand this it might be useful to illustrate the structure of an incarnation.

Universal awareness/consciousness

Individual universal awareness/consciousness

Spirit consciousness

Soul consciousness

Mind

Brain

Physical body

       More importantly, what are we before we incarnate into a physical body? Before we embark on the journey into form we are formless. We are conscious but without physical form. The different stages are not actually defined with clear edges, nor are they separated to any degree but rather like the colours of the rainbow merge into each other to be perceived as different colours or vibrations of light.

       The first stage, Universal awareness/consciousness, is the state of all being, at one as the universal intelligence. It is all things that are in dynamic perfection.

       The second stage, individual universal awareness/consciousness is the state of the separation and preparedness for the individual experience of form. This state carries the knowledge of dynamic perfection and its intended expansion through experience.

       The third stage, Spirit consciousness is the state of superconsciousness. This state carries with it the spiritual purpose for the incarnation.

       The fourth stage, Soul consciousness is the state of higher consciousness. This state integrates the superconsciousness with the higher consciousness and manages the synchronicities required at the level of physical form. This state carries with it the physical purposes of the incarnation.

       The fifth stage, mind, is the state of consciousness that is designed to provide the mental characteristics of the particular incarnation and determines the nature and structure of the brain. For this reason there is a constant connection to the Soul through the unconscious levels of the mind, and dream states that use Soul level images for communication.

       The sixth stage, the brain, is the state where the purpose of the incarnation is manifested in the physical structure of the brain. It is at this stage that the incarnation determines what characteristics, sensory mechanisms, strengths, and weaknesses are physically imprinted into the working structure of the brain and determines how the incarnation develops.

       The seventh stage, the physical body is the state of physical form, and its structure determines physical characteristics necessary to achieve the physical experiences needed for the incarnation. The formation of the physical body is determined by the previous stages from the fifth to the seventh, and relate to a particular incarnation.

       The first stage is the state that consciousness exists at in its perfect state. It is complete and perfectly balanced. If we observe the infinitely small part of the universe that we inhabit and that we perceive using the senses that we have both natural and mechanical we can determine that the universe is dynamic. It is growing, albeit in balance but nevertheless it is not static.

       What we have come to understand as nature, a natural dynamic force, ensures that the perfection of nature and everything of it remains encompassed within it through a series of natural forces. Earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, seismic activity, and in space black holes imploding stars and galaxies, all incredibly dynamic forces for change, all elements of nature.

       We as human beings and for that matter all forms of life are also an expression of that natural scheme of things. We are not apart and passive observers of this phenomenon; we are an integral element. That is why it is so important to understand the nature of an incarnation. In understanding ourselves we begin to understand that which we are part of. Our consciousness is just as much a part of this natural force as our physical bodies are. The journey from the non-physical to the physical [and back again] is the process of dynamic perfection. This is a process that allows a perfect form to remain perfect whilst going through dynamic change.

       The second stage is the beginning of this process, there is no actual separation in any of the stages but simply a change in vibration. The trigger for the second stage to begin is an imbalance caused by movement. The movement is caused by an experience that results in a question being asked of the universe. It is the unanswered question that creates a hole that must be filled with an answer.

       To explore this at a deeper and more exact level we need to use a scenario of an incarnation that results in a question being asked by the incarnated being that has undergone a particular experience that they have no answer for. The death of a child, or a partner, an accident that shouldn’t have happened that resulted in a death or serious injury. The cry “Why has this happened” is screamed into the night with no thought that there might be an answer... But there is. It does not matter at what level of awareness that the cry comes from. An unanswered cry triggers a response.

       Our consciousness is a part of the universe and we are really screaming at ourselves for an answer. Through our consciousness and the structure of incarnation the scream for an answer is the hole that must be filled. Like water that streams along a dry bed after a storm the holes in the dry bed are filled first before the water can continue on its way. The demand for an answer is answered by the universal consciousness aware of the imbalance caused by the cry for help and an incarnation takes place to provide those answers to ensure dynamic perfection.

       What must be understood is that the response and resultant incarnation is not to answer the person who cried out. The reason for this is that the loss that caused the cry was designed into the incarnation before birth. Like all things that happen on a physical level the incarnation is a Soul purpose event as well has a physical event. The physical event must be managed in accordance with the physical incarnation. The event at a Soul level is in accordance with the laws of Spirit. These laws contribute towards the development and continued existence of dynamic perfection of which, we are a miniscule but vital part. 

       The dark night of the Soul occurs only at the point where the questioning mind becomes aware of the Soul and its purpose.  The pathway of incarnation is from the first stage to the seventh. Having incarnated, the stages of growth and understanding is from the seventh to the first. The mind, in its search for understanding eventually becomes aware of the Soul.

       This point is important because it is possible to have many incarnations and not be aware of the level of the Soul or have any understanding of its purpose. Some incarnations are required to complete their journey without knowledge of anything other than the physical levels.

       When the mind is explored it becomes apparent that there are many levels previously untapped. The growing awareness and understanding allows more and more levels to be integrated into the incarnation. The tipping point can be a blinding moment of incredible clarity or it can be a slow burn of a gradual realization. Whole incarnations can be a complete journey from darkness to light; the time it takes for realization to dawn is irrelevant.

       Having incarnated, the point of which is Soul enlightenment, the consciousness contained within the incarnated being starts to explore firstly the world outside and at an appropriate time and circumstance the world inside. The beginning of the journey to enlightenment starts at experiences relating to the physical and continually rises to experiences centered on the brain and mind, and beyond to the Soul.

       Experiences centered on the mind are quite complex because these experiences start to draw in the subconscious layers of existence and the connections to the Soul become apparent. These manifest as dream images that are dealing with Soul purpose and sometimes do not bare a resemblance to the physical world; this can raise more questions than answers. Through each incarnation the consciousness finally becomes aware of the purpose of the Soul. This point of awareness can be called the “dark night of the Soul”

       ‘Let’s take a break for twenty minutes. Now, knowing me, you know that this is a working break. There are some refreshments for us next door. Please pick up a copy of the text and then go outside and read it through. Choose a place that attracts you for whatever reason. Please do this on your own, without talking with others. Open your heart and soul. See you shortly.’

       Callum drank some juice then headed for The Labyrinth and read the text as he walked slowly to the centre and back. Hannah followed and did the same. Val walked to her favourite spot in the woods. Sarah went to the other side of The Gathering Place. Leonard went to The Library. Patrick stayed in the room. Folina walked around the grounds. Annie wandered to Eleanor’s favourite place next to the stream and drank her tea.

*

       ‘Welcome back everyone. You have heard me read it and now you have read it yourselves. Imagine John Barrett standing next to me, right here. What would you like to ask him? What is your most burning question? Please write this down now on the piece of paper you found on your seat.

       A sweet silence descended on the group along with growing sense of expectation. Hannah wrote down her burning question quickly. She imagined what this John looked like; distinguished, calm, friendly. Leonard wrote a long sentence after some thought.

       ‘Okay, can each of you please transfer your question to one of the large sheets of paper that are on the table over there and then attach it to the boards over here with the white tack. Please don’t identify yourself on the paper.’

*

       ‘Thank you. Folina, please pick a question that is not yours and then come and stand by me.’

       Folina moved along the boards reading the questions. One caught her eye, she removed it and stood by Annie who asked her to read it to the group.

       ‘Do other forms of being such as angels and elementals also travel through these stages of incarnation?’

       ‘Why did you choose this question?’

       ‘I have been aware of other beings since I was a child. It was as though I had been one of their kind before - kindred souls.’

       ‘Thank you Folina. Please take your seat. I am receiving a response to this question. “Angels, demons, spirits, elves, goblins, nature spirits, spirit guides, gate keepers, beings from other dimensions that are not off this world are subject to the stages of growth within their own dimension. Some may touch and interact with us and some may not. If we have a consciousness that is able to encompass these beings then they become part of our consciousness. We are only able to perceive what we can if we have the language to understand what we perceive. This may take many stages of awareness to acclimatise our perception and build a robust enough emotional vocabulary, or we are born ready to receive.”

       Thank you for this answer. Sarah, what question do you choose?’

       Annie thanked Folina who then sat down.

       ‘How exactly are we conscious without physical form - do we feel, think and have emotions without a physical body?’

       ‘The answer will come. (pause) “Being without a body is an experience that we all have when we dream. Nightmares can leave you physically shaking with fear or in a state of euphoria within the dream and also when we awake. In meditation we are transported to other dimensions just as we are in dreams. Being semi- conscious, sub- conscious, unconscious, or even dead we still have “Consciousness”. All the perceptions that are available with a body are available without a body. In fact the physical body filters true emotion. There are so many more choices and dimensions available without a body than with a body.

       For instance, someone who has incarnated with a disability only has that disability because it was necessary for the experiences it would bring during that particular incarnation. After death, all disabilities disappear.”

       Thank you for this answer. Callum, it is your turn.’

       ‘Why do the stages read like a pecking order of some kind. I don’t understand the up and downwards movement or necessity?’

       ‘The response to this is swift. “We as humans understand structure. We invented time in order to give our lives stages of completion of our tasks, based on our observations of the stages of the seasons and the rotation of the planet. We understand order and we understand chaos and its consequences. What appears as chaos to us is a structure without knowledge of all the parts that make the structure

       In order to understand a structure you must first have a language even if that language is internal. In order to convey information to someone else that other person must be able to understand the language as well. So it is when trying to understand any structure. You need to understand its components and how it fits together.”

       Thank you for answering. Val is next.

       ‘Do we have an individual identity in our precarnate form?’

       “Individual identity is only related to a particular incarnation and is not normally carried through from one incarnation to another using the same persona.

Prior to incarnating, the life to be led is chosen by the soul, and all the elements of the person to be are installed into the mind so that the mind can mould the brain during the process of incarnated into form. After death and revue the persona remains in spirit without form until all the outcomes of the individual life are dealt with, and experiences that relate to consciousness and its growth are understood in their entirety. The soul is then reborn to a higher level. Thus a second death occurs obviously a lot less traumatic than the first, or there is the choice to incarnate into the physical dimension for a specific incarnation. It is important to be aware that an incarnation is not confined to just the physical dimension.”

       ‘Thank you for this answer. Leonard.’

       ‘Please explain in plainer language what the purpose is of “dynamic perfection” and how this ties up with Matthew 5⁴⁸: Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect?’

       “The Universal Consciousness is in a state of dynamic perfection, continually giving the light of perfection to all the dimensions that look to receive it.  In order for this to be continuous the Universal Consciousness needs to experience itself and yet remain perfect. If something is perfect and gives of itself, in the moment of giving, that perfection is depleted and becomes less than perfect.  In order to replenish that light and also in order to experience that which has been given the light must be reflected back.  We, [the part that separated from the source],  are in the process of ensuring that the light is reflected back in its perfect form by undergoing incarnations to perfect the light and  travel back to the source as a perfect reflection.

       We are all part of the Universal Consciousness and are striving for perfection.  This is what is meant by “Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”

       ‘Thank you for this answer. Hannah.’

       ‘How do you know you are in the superconscious stage, acknowledging that the edges are fuzzy?’

       “Superconsciousness is the state of awareness where  separation has occurred from the source and there is a growing awareness that in order to be able to return, certain experiences are required to regain the necessary rate of vibration to re-enter the source. It is at this level that the spiritual purpose for the incarnation is set and choices made that ultimately fashion the nature of the physical incarnation. It is where all the physical and mental attributes and abilities needed to fulfil the purpose are determined.  At this stage there is no “persona” The persona or the individual awareness that will live through the incarnation, achieve form during the fourth to the seventh stages.

Your awareness of any stage is determined by the purpose of the incarnation. In other words, you may never know, or you will always know, or you will be something in-between. We can’t all sing like birds! Or swim like fish. Much as we all wish we could.”

       ‘Thank you for this response. Patrick.’

       ‘Is reincarnation irrelevant, wrong even?’

       “There is no right or wrong, only experience from which we make choices. Discussing reincarnation is very relevant, because it leads to an expansion of consciousness. The ability to incarnate is freely available to us as a species each time we complete an incarnation. The consequences of each incarnation can span many generations, so in order to keep the same persona there can be quite a long wait in physical terms before an incarnation is possible. In that “time” of waiting for the right conditions those who you incarnated with originally will have died and so the conditions when you reincarnate would be different much like they are if you were to decide to incarnate with a different persona.”

       ‘Thank you for this answer. Thomas.’

       ‘What do you want to say to me from this text?’

       “This text is an attempt to provide a language that can be used to enable discussion of the truth to take place freely, to understand our purpose and also how we came to be here and why. It is the answer to the question that produced the answer 42. "

       The last answer provoked a chuckle and someone said “So, speaking as a galaxy hitchhiker, what is the ultimate question?”

       ‘That, my friend, is a question that will form in the outer reaches of your soul. You will know it soon.’

*

       The session continued like this with two further refreshment breaks. All the questions received an answer.

       ‘Well, that was quite a session. Thank you for agreeing that it could be tape recorded. All the questions and answers will be transcribed for your collection by Wednesday. I suggest you review them and then form smaller groups and discuss what they mean to each of you. If you like we can meet again in a few weeks. I have no doubt that our time together this evening has raised many questions. Allow these to percolate but don’t brood over them. You may be surprised by how much you already know, not conceptually, but within your souls. We came to this session to Meet the Avatars. We are the Avatars. Consider yourselves met!’

       ‘Good night.’